Fuck you, Ford Credit.

So, the other day I had to call Ford Credit to inquire about my account. It was a simple question. I wasn't making any changes to the account. I had my account number ready to punch into the keypad on the phone and vaguely remembered the series of numbers to work through the labyrinth of their phone system to reach Customer Service.

As soon as the representative answered, it was utter mayhem. This is how it basically went:

CSR: This is 'Susan' (she had a super thick Jamaican accent, so, whatever), how may I help you?
Me: Hi, my name is _____ and my account number is 12345678.
CSR: Let me look that up for you. While the system is processing that information, I need to verify your information for security purposes.
Me: Sure thing.
CSR: Great, can you verify your last name?
Me: _____.
CSR: Ok, and the last four of your Social?
Me: ####
CSR: Also, we have an address on file, can you please verify that information?
Me: Uh, it's ____.
CSR: Thank you. And we show a contact number.. can you give me the number?
Me: Uhhh.. ok, it's ____.
CSR: We also show a second phone number. It ends in ####. Are you able to verify the rest of the number?
Me: I don't see why-
CSR: It is necessary to make sure we have the correct information on file.
Me: K... it's ____.
CSR: Yes, that's it. Now, I see we have a second contact person. It is ____.
Me: *sighs* Yes, that's my brother-in-law. He's my sister's husband.
CSR: Can you please verify the address on file?
Me: I.. I don't know their address off the top of my head. I mean, if it's there, then I had to have given it to you before at some point. Since they haven't moved, it would still be the same address.
CSR: Yes but we need to make sure we have valid information.
Me: Well I'd have to look in my phone and I am on it now.. talking to you.
CSR: I can wait.
Me: ...
CSR: ...
Me: *clicks buttons, grumbling* Ok, it's ____.
CSR: Yes, that's what we have.
Me: !
CSR: And can you verify the phone number for him?
Me: Ok, seriously, I have just one simple question to ask.
CSR: Ma'am, it is important to-
Me: No, listen. I didn't call in to verify every. single. piece of information you have on me there. I mean, do you need my blood type, too? Because, honestly, I don't know it.
CSR: We don't need-
Me: Because I'd have to call up some health unit in Podunkville, Louisiana and, while I am sure my phone is capable of a threeway call, I am also in a hurry and don't have the time to regale you with every factoid of my life to verify that I am who I say I am. I think I've sufficiently verified that I am me. If you are still not satisfied, then maybe I need to speak to your supervisor. Although if that means going through another 'Ford Credit Verification Process', well I'll pass and will just not make my payment this month.
CSR: ... OK, what is your question?
Me: I've lost my paper bill and need to know the amount to pay via the payment system.
CSR: $____.
Me: Thank you.
CSR: Is it my goal to provide you with excellent customer service today. Please let me know how you'd rate-
Me: *click*

Assholes.