I am a single mother. I did not ask to be a single mother. I did not ask for my life to go in the direction that it has. I don't make a lot of money, I don't have a lot of support, I don't have much at all, except my kids. I love them to pieces and I would do anything in the world for them.
But one unexpected issue that I did not anticipate was my extreme loneliness. I sit here at home in my bed alone night after night. I use Second Life as a getaway, of course. However, 9 times out of 10, I am alone in Second Life, as well. I only have one friend in the same town where I live and she's newly married and doesn't have time. Plus, my children are hyperactive and loud. They're not quiet and I think it makes people nervous and/or anxious when they aren't used to all the noise and activity.
My alone time is invaluable. I am quite introverted but I still long for human interaction. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I love making people laugh. I crave it, honestly. But it's hard to crack a joke and receive a smile when there's no one around to give it. So I've taken to perusing various websites. It's like people shopping. Sadly, I've made some pretty lame and horrible purchases in the past. Not all were terrible, but most were icky.
The one thing they all had in common was the disinterest in me once the girls came into the picture. It goes without saying that I will never choose friends or a man over my children. But it would be nice to have someone to talk to that is an adult and doesn't watch Dora the Explorer or whine about us being out of Capri Sun.
Part of my reason for going to counseling is dealing with these new found emotions that I am not sure how to cope with accurately. His suggestions have led me to the internet where you can find tons of other single parents complaining of the same thing and no real answers. Sure, the obvious answer to the problem is to dump the kids off at a sitter and go out and make friends.
But what if you can't afford a sitter? Or what if all you need is to just talk to someone on the phone and hear a comforting voice? It's not such an easy solution then, is it?
Just trying to coordinate going out to eat with another adult person can be a taxing affair. Trying to arrange a dinner for a monthly Parent's Night Out is like trying to dock the space station sometimes. You can drop the kids off for a few hours, sure. But if your dinner companion is late, you have less time to visit and enjoy your meal or if they can't go or don't show, you're stuck with the only free 4 hours you'll have all month and nothing to do and no one to talk to.
People without kids and parents who have another parent in the household don't understand the difficulties of raising kids under the age of 12 alone. Some of the recommendations online are go to church.. mostly for the free child care.. which you have to stay at church to enjoy.. early on a Sunday morning.. with other church-going God-fearing people. Then there's the ever-popular "find something that you and child both enjoy" idea. Ok, but my kids like jumping into a ballpit and climbing all over a man dressed in a cowsuit. I might be on a freaky side a little bit but, sister, I ain't going there.
I am talking about getting away from the kids. Taking a break. Not treating them and listening to Soccer Mom of the Year chat on her cellphone, yell at her kids, speak to you in a stuttered speech as she wolfs down her burger at the local fast food joint.
Someone asked me the other day at work if the girls were going to visit their dad for the summer. I said yes and she replied with a "wow aren't you lucky" tone. I really wanted to tell her that shipping my kids off to their dad's house for 2 months is not how I really want to spend my summer, either. I still want the girls to be here with me. I don't want to go for days and weeks at a time without seeing them. I just wish I was able to afford a sitter once or twice a month for a few hours. But even if I could, I don't know anyone to go hang out with.
"Dating" has not been something I have been able to accomplish. First of all, everyone these days is poly amorous, and my opinions on that is another blog entry for another day. Secondly, none of them have children and seem apprehensive to get to know me once they find out I have kids. I know I am not the best thing to look at and there is a LOT of me to look at, trust me. I am not the smartest, most sophisticated creature on the planet, no, but I am friendly, try to be funny and I think I am generally a nice person. But then what happens? The ones who get past the gross exterior get to know me more and we develop a friendship until the kid thing comes into the picture and boom. No more contact from that person.
I guess I never thought that being a mom was such a turn off. I know kids can be annoying, especially when they're loud, messy and nosy. But come on.
Another issue I have is trying to not be jealous and envious when I hear people talking about vacations, traveling, going to parties, going out drinking, etc. I used to be spontaneous. I used to go and do things all of the time. I wouldn't want to go partying nightly or even weekly. But to have the financial opportunity would be awesome. Sadly, there's just no option for that at this time. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when the tunnel grows longer and longer.
So, I figure that my time will come roughly around 2020 or 2022. That's when the girls will be 18. That's only 10 more years, right?
Surely I can hold off on building a support system, making friends and having a social life until then. Right?
Friday, May 14, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Fuck you, Ford Credit.
So, the other day I had to call Ford Credit to inquire about my account. It was a simple question. I wasn't making any changes to the account. I had my account number ready to punch into the keypad on the phone and vaguely remembered the series of numbers to work through the labyrinth of their phone system to reach Customer Service.
As soon as the representative answered, it was utter mayhem. This is how it basically went:
CSR: This is 'Susan' (she had a super thick Jamaican accent, so, whatever), how may I help you?
Me: Hi, my name is _____ and my account number is 12345678.
CSR: Let me look that up for you. While the system is processing that information, I need to verify your information for security purposes.
Me: Sure thing.
CSR: Great, can you verify your last name?
Me: _____.
CSR: Ok, and the last four of your Social?
Me: ####
CSR: Also, we have an address on file, can you please verify that information?
Me: Uh, it's ____.
CSR: Thank you. And we show a contact number.. can you give me the number?
Me: Uhhh.. ok, it's ____.
CSR: We also show a second phone number. It ends in ####. Are you able to verify the rest of the number?
Me: I don't see why-
CSR: It is necessary to make sure we have the correct information on file.
Me: K... it's ____.
CSR: Yes, that's it. Now, I see we have a second contact person. It is ____.
Me: *sighs* Yes, that's my brother-in-law. He's my sister's husband.
CSR: Can you please verify the address on file?
Me: I.. I don't know their address off the top of my head. I mean, if it's there, then I had to have given it to you before at some point. Since they haven't moved, it would still be the same address.
CSR: Yes but we need to make sure we have valid information.
Me: Well I'd have to look in my phone and I am on it now.. talking to you.
CSR: I can wait.
Me: ...
CSR: ...
Me: *clicks buttons, grumbling* Ok, it's ____.
CSR: Yes, that's what we have.
Me: !
CSR: And can you verify the phone number for him?
Me: Ok, seriously, I have just one simple question to ask.
CSR: Ma'am, it is important to-
Me: No, listen. I didn't call in to verify every. single. piece of information you have on me there. I mean, do you need my blood type, too? Because, honestly, I don't know it.
CSR: We don't need-
Me: Because I'd have to call up some health unit in Podunkville, Louisiana and, while I am sure my phone is capable of a threeway call, I am also in a hurry and don't have the time to regale you with every factoid of my life to verify that I am who I say I am. I think I've sufficiently verified that I am me. If you are still not satisfied, then maybe I need to speak to your supervisor. Although if that means going through another 'Ford Credit Verification Process', well I'll pass and will just not make my payment this month.
CSR: ... OK, what is your question?
Me: I've lost my paper bill and need to know the amount to pay via the payment system.
CSR: $____.
Me: Thank you.
CSR: Is it my goal to provide you with excellent customer service today. Please let me know how you'd rate-
Me: *click*
Assholes.
As soon as the representative answered, it was utter mayhem. This is how it basically went:
CSR: This is 'Susan' (she had a super thick Jamaican accent, so, whatever), how may I help you?
Me: Hi, my name is _____ and my account number is 12345678.
CSR: Let me look that up for you. While the system is processing that information, I need to verify your information for security purposes.
Me: Sure thing.
CSR: Great, can you verify your last name?
Me: _____.
CSR: Ok, and the last four of your Social?
Me: ####
CSR: Also, we have an address on file, can you please verify that information?
Me: Uh, it's ____.
CSR: Thank you. And we show a contact number.. can you give me the number?
Me: Uhhh.. ok, it's ____.
CSR: We also show a second phone number. It ends in ####. Are you able to verify the rest of the number?
Me: I don't see why-
CSR: It is necessary to make sure we have the correct information on file.
Me: K... it's ____.
CSR: Yes, that's it. Now, I see we have a second contact person. It is ____.
Me: *sighs* Yes, that's my brother-in-law. He's my sister's husband.
CSR: Can you please verify the address on file?
Me: I.. I don't know their address off the top of my head. I mean, if it's there, then I had to have given it to you before at some point. Since they haven't moved, it would still be the same address.
CSR: Yes but we need to make sure we have valid information.
Me: Well I'd have to look in my phone and I am on it now.. talking to you.
CSR: I can wait.
Me: ...
CSR: ...
Me: *clicks buttons, grumbling* Ok, it's ____.
CSR: Yes, that's what we have.
Me: !
CSR: And can you verify the phone number for him?
Me: Ok, seriously, I have just one simple question to ask.
CSR: Ma'am, it is important to-
Me: No, listen. I didn't call in to verify every. single. piece of information you have on me there. I mean, do you need my blood type, too? Because, honestly, I don't know it.
CSR: We don't need-
Me: Because I'd have to call up some health unit in Podunkville, Louisiana and, while I am sure my phone is capable of a threeway call, I am also in a hurry and don't have the time to regale you with every factoid of my life to verify that I am who I say I am. I think I've sufficiently verified that I am me. If you are still not satisfied, then maybe I need to speak to your supervisor. Although if that means going through another 'Ford Credit Verification Process', well I'll pass and will just not make my payment this month.
CSR: ... OK, what is your question?
Me: I've lost my paper bill and need to know the amount to pay via the payment system.
CSR: $____.
Me: Thank you.
CSR: Is it my goal to provide you with excellent customer service today. Please let me know how you'd rate-
Me: *click*
Assholes.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Watch out.
Saturdays used to be my favorite day of the week when I was a kid because of Saturday morning cartoons. It was freaking awesome to sit and watch The Smurfs, The Littles, Gummi Bears, Kidd Video, Galaxy High, Bugs Bunny.. all of them. I couldn't get enough. I also was a fan of sitcoms like Punky Brewster, The Jeffersons, Perfect Strangers, The Simpsons, etc.
Most of those shows lacked any real educational value. That's what PBS was for, right? So I found it hilarious that they began requiring all children's shows to teach children some lesson either about life or manners or something to do with reading/writing or math.
Nickelodeon was also a huge favorite of mine. Being home sick during the school day, it was pretty awesome because you could watch all those shows on Nickelodeon and not even know you were learning something. Belle and Sebastian, David the Gnome, The Little Prince. These seemed like classy cartoon shows when compared to the likes of Rocko's Modern Life and especially Ren and Stimpy.
As I progressed in age, my tastes, of course, changed. Liquid Television was a major favorite, especially since it came on just before 120 Minutes on MTV. It was "cool" to watch the show. I can say I felt "cool". Of course, now, I was just preparing myself for a lifetime of laziness. Woot.
At any rate, I've now found myself perusing the tv guide selection for proper entertainment for my own children. I was always left to my own decision-making when it came to my television viewing. My parents had a tv in every room of the house, practically.
We, however, have one television and it is in the living room. It stays off for dinner time. It serves as a disciplinary tool because the privilege will be taken away as punishment. As the girls were growing up, we would watch shows like Sesame Street and Barney together and I'd show them about numbers and letters, colors and shapes. And yeah, Barney was pretty lame but not as bad as "Boobah" or "The Teletubbies". At least Barney had some direction.
Lately though, the girls are more interested in pre-teen shows such as Hannah Montana and iCarly. They do still watch cartoon shows and the programs aimed at younger age groups, such as Wow Wow Wubzy, Dora the Explorer and Spongebob Squarepants. I watch the television with the girls and will comment on certain things that happen or laugh along with them.
Hannah Montana, regardless of your opinion of Miley Cyrus (and her dad), is actually not a bad television program for the genre it's in. It's almost like the I Love Lucy of today but with teenagers instead of grown adults. Another decent pre-teen sitcom is The Suite Life/On Deck with Zach and Cody, which is about a set of twins being raised by their single mother in a hotel/on a cruise ship (she is an employee) and their situations they find themselves in. It, too, is a very I Love Lucy-esque half hour program. Also, both of these are shown on the Disney Channel. And very appropriately so. They're clean cut, well groomed children and seem to display a skill for acting at times making the shows somewhat tolerable.
iCarly is shown on one of Nickelodeon's channels. The main character, Carly, lives with her brother, Spencer, and she has a webshow that she and her two best friends, Freddie (a boy) and Sam (a girl), also star and produce, etc. The slapstick gags are pretty funny and some of the lines delivered are downright hysterical at times. However, where the deviation from iCarly and Hannah Montana is the biting hateful sarcasm and near-bullying of Sam's character against Freddie and others at school.
Sure, it seems funny because there's this 15 year old girl able to knock someone's lights out while the others seem to cushion the harshness of the scene by their innocent doe-eyed candor. Sam will be uncaring, hostile and violent at times. In fact, there has even been an episode or two about how she feels down about the way people treat her and speak about her (a tomboy, rough and bullying) and Carly attempts to make her over with clothing and accessories. Because, you know, matching purses really solve personality issues.
So then you'd think, wow, good thing Disney is the safe place for kids. Ho-ho.. think again.
Let me direct you to a little show called Wizards of Waverly Place. Disney really went out on a stretch with this gem. The storyline here is there is a family of wizards, except for the mother who is a "mortal" and cannot practice magic. The husband offered to give up his magical abilities in order to marry her, due to her non-magical status. Then you have the three teen children who, of course, can perform magic. All of this takes place in the "real world" and not some Hogsmeade-type place where there are shadowy figures looming about. The parents own a sandwich shop and the children, of course, work there part time when they aren't running about causing shenanigans and tom-foolery.
So, the problem that I have with this program is in line with the problem I have with iCarly. The teen daughter's character, Alex, in the WoWP family is a smart-mouthed, sarcastic, spiteful nasty little girl. She comes off as snotty, bratty and a huge pain in the neck. She makes Sam from iCarly seem almost normal. Alex will relentlessly pick on her brothers to the point where I feel uncomfortable. Of course, the storylines sometimes drift here and there and they tend to wither away during the course of the show.
The amazing thing is, this show won an Emmy in 2009 for Outstanding Children's Program. The other contenders that year were iCarly and Hannah Montana. I can tell you why WoWP won the award. The family is of mixed race. Also, it is not a broken family, such as Hannah Montana where she doesn't have a mother and only lives with her father or iCarly where Carly only lives with her brother, Spencer, and there are no parents around.
I am all for having diversity in television. I think there needs to be a shit ton more of it, actually. What I don't like is my impressionable 7 year old daughter thinking that sarcastically biting her sister's head off and harassing her, calling her names and putting her down is acceptable behavior. As we watch these shows, I remind them that Alex is not a very nice girl, that Sam shouldn't want to punch someone or something just because she's angry. However, it's hard to drive the point home when there's a laugh track behind the cutting remarks and low blows delivered in the script. The girls think it must be funny if all those people are laughing at it.
So, to combat the abundance of negativity in my house lately, I am putting a self-imposed ban on these shows. There will be no viewing of WoWP or iCarly, or any other show with similarly written characters, taking place in my house until the girls are able to comprehend that this is not admirable behavior. There will be no internet searches, website visits or YouTube videos of these programs. This is something that has been bothering me for quite some time. I tried to explain the proper behavior to the girls as we watched. It was almost in a "This is what NOT to do" kind of way. Kind of a Goofus and Gallant, if you will. However, it seems to not be working. So, I've decided to just cut it out all together.
If you don't have children in your home or Nickelodeon or Disney Channel, yeah, this post will be completely lost on you. I apologize. However, just be thankful that you haven't been exposed to the horrific treatment these television characters perform on their counterparts. It's pretty terrible. If this were a real life scenario and someone acted this way, I almost guarantee you they would have been expelled from school and taken straightaway to the psychologist.
Sure, it's great to have kids who aren't happy-go-lucky cheerful all the time in a Brady Bunch kind of way. It is just sad to see a 15 year old threatening (and in some instances performing) bodily harm or belittling someone to the point where she comments that his self esteem must have taken a hit and he agrees. No parents or adult figures around to reprimand or even to scold them. When they are nearby, it's ignored in the script and the actor's aren't even showing signs of unhappiness. It's as if this is completely ok to do in society. A good natured joke to pick on someone is one thing. But this... it's something else.
I wish I had a video clip to point everyone to, especially of an episode I saw the other day. If you get a chance, catch one of these shows to see what I am talking about. It's bad enough we have Dora the Explorer yelling at everyone to locate some object that she's practically standing right on top of or which way to go on the map when there's only one route and three damn "adventures" waiting to be had.
But now we have a new generation of angry, yelling, mean spirited kids coming up apparently. Yeah I admit it makes me laugh. It's even somewhat refreshing from the overly giddy fresh faced kids of Silver Spoons and Full House. But still, I am 35 years old, they aren't. When kids think it's ok to bully and push other kids around in this manner, no, the programming needs to be changed. Because no matter how little tv your children watch, someone is allowing their kids to sit and become mindnumbingly dumb watching this crap. And those will more than likely be the kids to smash your kid's face on the playground, push them down in the hallway and yell obscenities all while doing it. Sure they can fight back but then everyone ends up in the principal's office or some parent gets out of control crazy and next thing you know, someone's mom is waving a pistol at soccer practice and everyone's lost their friggin' mind.
I don't want to generalize that all kids who watch these shows will become jerks but so far, it seems to be that way. At least, in my house. No matter how much I discuss, explain, question, guide, redirect, etc, they still think this is acceptable and appropriate behavior and it is not. Not for a 7 year old child anyway. I refuse to have my child described as a bully simply because she's acting out something she saw on television. There isn't any real lesson being taught in these programs, either. I am sure there's some moral lesson slightly floating at the surface. But it's not completely apparent in every episode.
Also, no, I don't think playing Lego Star Wars will make them think they're Han Solo or Princess Leia. But they see these near princesses with cool clothes, pretty hair and shimmery makeup singing and dancing and being completely rude and they think it's ok to do also. Sure, Ren and Stimpy puked and hurled and were gross and disgusting. Ren oftentimes yelled at Stimpy and called him names. But it was done with so much over-the-top hilarity, and it was a cartoon, you knew it wasn't how people behaved. Those shows were quoted, not mimicked. Kids didn't envy being a hairless 'asthma-hound chihuahua' or a weird cat with a blue nose.
Anyway, I guess my point is, there's no substitute for good old fashioned parenting. Television should be used as entertainment and as an educational resource. The rest is just crap that has to be harshly critiqued for those with young children with sponges inside their heads that soak up every word, phrase, tone, emotion and action. It's just a mess really.
*steps off soapbox*
Most of those shows lacked any real educational value. That's what PBS was for, right? So I found it hilarious that they began requiring all children's shows to teach children some lesson either about life or manners or something to do with reading/writing or math.
Nickelodeon was also a huge favorite of mine. Being home sick during the school day, it was pretty awesome because you could watch all those shows on Nickelodeon and not even know you were learning something. Belle and Sebastian, David the Gnome, The Little Prince. These seemed like classy cartoon shows when compared to the likes of Rocko's Modern Life and especially Ren and Stimpy.
As I progressed in age, my tastes, of course, changed. Liquid Television was a major favorite, especially since it came on just before 120 Minutes on MTV. It was "cool" to watch the show. I can say I felt "cool". Of course, now, I was just preparing myself for a lifetime of laziness. Woot.
At any rate, I've now found myself perusing the tv guide selection for proper entertainment for my own children. I was always left to my own decision-making when it came to my television viewing. My parents had a tv in every room of the house, practically.
We, however, have one television and it is in the living room. It stays off for dinner time. It serves as a disciplinary tool because the privilege will be taken away as punishment. As the girls were growing up, we would watch shows like Sesame Street and Barney together and I'd show them about numbers and letters, colors and shapes. And yeah, Barney was pretty lame but not as bad as "Boobah" or "The Teletubbies". At least Barney had some direction.
Lately though, the girls are more interested in pre-teen shows such as Hannah Montana and iCarly. They do still watch cartoon shows and the programs aimed at younger age groups, such as Wow Wow Wubzy, Dora the Explorer and Spongebob Squarepants. I watch the television with the girls and will comment on certain things that happen or laugh along with them.
Hannah Montana, regardless of your opinion of Miley Cyrus (and her dad), is actually not a bad television program for the genre it's in. It's almost like the I Love Lucy of today but with teenagers instead of grown adults. Another decent pre-teen sitcom is The Suite Life/On Deck with Zach and Cody, which is about a set of twins being raised by their single mother in a hotel/on a cruise ship (she is an employee) and their situations they find themselves in. It, too, is a very I Love Lucy-esque half hour program. Also, both of these are shown on the Disney Channel. And very appropriately so. They're clean cut, well groomed children and seem to display a skill for acting at times making the shows somewhat tolerable.
iCarly is shown on one of Nickelodeon's channels. The main character, Carly, lives with her brother, Spencer, and she has a webshow that she and her two best friends, Freddie (a boy) and Sam (a girl), also star and produce, etc. The slapstick gags are pretty funny and some of the lines delivered are downright hysterical at times. However, where the deviation from iCarly and Hannah Montana is the biting hateful sarcasm and near-bullying of Sam's character against Freddie and others at school.
Sure, it seems funny because there's this 15 year old girl able to knock someone's lights out while the others seem to cushion the harshness of the scene by their innocent doe-eyed candor. Sam will be uncaring, hostile and violent at times. In fact, there has even been an episode or two about how she feels down about the way people treat her and speak about her (a tomboy, rough and bullying) and Carly attempts to make her over with clothing and accessories. Because, you know, matching purses really solve personality issues.
So then you'd think, wow, good thing Disney is the safe place for kids. Ho-ho.. think again.
Let me direct you to a little show called Wizards of Waverly Place. Disney really went out on a stretch with this gem. The storyline here is there is a family of wizards, except for the mother who is a "mortal" and cannot practice magic. The husband offered to give up his magical abilities in order to marry her, due to her non-magical status. Then you have the three teen children who, of course, can perform magic. All of this takes place in the "real world" and not some Hogsmeade-type place where there are shadowy figures looming about. The parents own a sandwich shop and the children, of course, work there part time when they aren't running about causing shenanigans and tom-foolery.
So, the problem that I have with this program is in line with the problem I have with iCarly. The teen daughter's character, Alex, in the WoWP family is a smart-mouthed, sarcastic, spiteful nasty little girl. She comes off as snotty, bratty and a huge pain in the neck. She makes Sam from iCarly seem almost normal. Alex will relentlessly pick on her brothers to the point where I feel uncomfortable. Of course, the storylines sometimes drift here and there and they tend to wither away during the course of the show.
The amazing thing is, this show won an Emmy in 2009 for Outstanding Children's Program. The other contenders that year were iCarly and Hannah Montana. I can tell you why WoWP won the award. The family is of mixed race. Also, it is not a broken family, such as Hannah Montana where she doesn't have a mother and only lives with her father or iCarly where Carly only lives with her brother, Spencer, and there are no parents around.
I am all for having diversity in television. I think there needs to be a shit ton more of it, actually. What I don't like is my impressionable 7 year old daughter thinking that sarcastically biting her sister's head off and harassing her, calling her names and putting her down is acceptable behavior. As we watch these shows, I remind them that Alex is not a very nice girl, that Sam shouldn't want to punch someone or something just because she's angry. However, it's hard to drive the point home when there's a laugh track behind the cutting remarks and low blows delivered in the script. The girls think it must be funny if all those people are laughing at it.
So, to combat the abundance of negativity in my house lately, I am putting a self-imposed ban on these shows. There will be no viewing of WoWP or iCarly, or any other show with similarly written characters, taking place in my house until the girls are able to comprehend that this is not admirable behavior. There will be no internet searches, website visits or YouTube videos of these programs. This is something that has been bothering me for quite some time. I tried to explain the proper behavior to the girls as we watched. It was almost in a "This is what NOT to do" kind of way. Kind of a Goofus and Gallant, if you will. However, it seems to not be working. So, I've decided to just cut it out all together.
If you don't have children in your home or Nickelodeon or Disney Channel, yeah, this post will be completely lost on you. I apologize. However, just be thankful that you haven't been exposed to the horrific treatment these television characters perform on their counterparts. It's pretty terrible. If this were a real life scenario and someone acted this way, I almost guarantee you they would have been expelled from school and taken straightaway to the psychologist.
Sure, it's great to have kids who aren't happy-go-lucky cheerful all the time in a Brady Bunch kind of way. It is just sad to see a 15 year old threatening (and in some instances performing) bodily harm or belittling someone to the point where she comments that his self esteem must have taken a hit and he agrees. No parents or adult figures around to reprimand or even to scold them. When they are nearby, it's ignored in the script and the actor's aren't even showing signs of unhappiness. It's as if this is completely ok to do in society. A good natured joke to pick on someone is one thing. But this... it's something else.
I wish I had a video clip to point everyone to, especially of an episode I saw the other day. If you get a chance, catch one of these shows to see what I am talking about. It's bad enough we have Dora the Explorer yelling at everyone to locate some object that she's practically standing right on top of or which way to go on the map when there's only one route and three damn "adventures" waiting to be had.
But now we have a new generation of angry, yelling, mean spirited kids coming up apparently. Yeah I admit it makes me laugh. It's even somewhat refreshing from the overly giddy fresh faced kids of Silver Spoons and Full House. But still, I am 35 years old, they aren't. When kids think it's ok to bully and push other kids around in this manner, no, the programming needs to be changed. Because no matter how little tv your children watch, someone is allowing their kids to sit and become mindnumbingly dumb watching this crap. And those will more than likely be the kids to smash your kid's face on the playground, push them down in the hallway and yell obscenities all while doing it. Sure they can fight back but then everyone ends up in the principal's office or some parent gets out of control crazy and next thing you know, someone's mom is waving a pistol at soccer practice and everyone's lost their friggin' mind.
I don't want to generalize that all kids who watch these shows will become jerks but so far, it seems to be that way. At least, in my house. No matter how much I discuss, explain, question, guide, redirect, etc, they still think this is acceptable and appropriate behavior and it is not. Not for a 7 year old child anyway. I refuse to have my child described as a bully simply because she's acting out something she saw on television. There isn't any real lesson being taught in these programs, either. I am sure there's some moral lesson slightly floating at the surface. But it's not completely apparent in every episode.
Also, no, I don't think playing Lego Star Wars will make them think they're Han Solo or Princess Leia. But they see these near princesses with cool clothes, pretty hair and shimmery makeup singing and dancing and being completely rude and they think it's ok to do also. Sure, Ren and Stimpy puked and hurled and were gross and disgusting. Ren oftentimes yelled at Stimpy and called him names. But it was done with so much over-the-top hilarity, and it was a cartoon, you knew it wasn't how people behaved. Those shows were quoted, not mimicked. Kids didn't envy being a hairless 'asthma-hound chihuahua' or a weird cat with a blue nose.
Anyway, I guess my point is, there's no substitute for good old fashioned parenting. Television should be used as entertainment and as an educational resource. The rest is just crap that has to be harshly critiqued for those with young children with sponges inside their heads that soak up every word, phrase, tone, emotion and action. It's just a mess really.
*steps off soapbox*
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Ignorant.
Driving home from work the other day, I heard a commercial on the radio advertising a video program to teach toddlers to read. The narrator touted that the program was a huge success for children ages 1 year old and up. I blinked. One year old? Seriously?
I understand that children are little sponges who absorb everything. Trust me, I know this from experience. My children were recognizing letters, shapes and colors when they were very small. So yes, you could "teach" a child to recognize words.. but are they comprehending what they're reading? No, of course not. A child can learn simple words but putting them together to make a coherent thought is not going to happen. Unless your child is a true and complete genius, there's no way you can hand your child a newspaper and have them begin reading as if they're a grown, mature adult, completely understanding the tone of the article and the message being conveyed.
But the hilarity did not end there with the commercial. They had a so-called testimonial, which I am sure is just some random local voice actor who was paid for their work on the commercial, where the 'mother' excitedly agreed that not only did the program work for her 18 month old child but by 2 years old, he was reading all on his own. AND she didn't have to do a thing! "I just plopped him down in front of the video and he watched it all on his own."
Wow! What great parenting skills, Fake Mom! What message are you sending out that not only is it acceptable to let the television do the babysitting for you but that you also don't even need to bother with that pesky chore of teaching your child to read?
Alas, the fabulousness continues... "It not only worked with my 2 year old but all three of my children can read using this program." Awesome. Now we have an entire family where Mom is hiding and chain-smoking in her bedroom and Dad is out of the house pinching asses at the local tavern while the children are ignored as they run rampant all over the living room, rummaging for food in the kitchen and pooping in the corners. BUT they're learning to read!
Gee, while we're at it, let's just give them a DVD titled "Pharmaceuticals: Your One True Friend, the Anti-Depressant".
I am all for ease and convenience but something important like learning to read cannot be put through the express lane. People are just lazy these days and look for the quick fix. However, there's just no substitute for spending quality time with your children. Asking them questions, turning an ordinary situation into a learning lesson, asking how they feel. No, not every waking moment has to be spent learning. You'll burn yourself and the child out. But there's no excuse for ignoring a young learning mind, especially when it's your own child.
What is next? A DVD program that shows kids how to bathe? How to put themselves to bed? Maybe later in life there will be a Netflix online rental the previously ignored children can acquire to teach them how to put their lousy parents into a shitty abusive nursing home.
It's easy!
I understand that children are little sponges who absorb everything. Trust me, I know this from experience. My children were recognizing letters, shapes and colors when they were very small. So yes, you could "teach" a child to recognize words.. but are they comprehending what they're reading? No, of course not. A child can learn simple words but putting them together to make a coherent thought is not going to happen. Unless your child is a true and complete genius, there's no way you can hand your child a newspaper and have them begin reading as if they're a grown, mature adult, completely understanding the tone of the article and the message being conveyed.
But the hilarity did not end there with the commercial. They had a so-called testimonial, which I am sure is just some random local voice actor who was paid for their work on the commercial, where the 'mother' excitedly agreed that not only did the program work for her 18 month old child but by 2 years old, he was reading all on his own. AND she didn't have to do a thing! "I just plopped him down in front of the video and he watched it all on his own."
Wow! What great parenting skills, Fake Mom! What message are you sending out that not only is it acceptable to let the television do the babysitting for you but that you also don't even need to bother with that pesky chore of teaching your child to read?
Alas, the fabulousness continues... "It not only worked with my 2 year old but all three of my children can read using this program." Awesome. Now we have an entire family where Mom is hiding and chain-smoking in her bedroom and Dad is out of the house pinching asses at the local tavern while the children are ignored as they run rampant all over the living room, rummaging for food in the kitchen and pooping in the corners. BUT they're learning to read!
Gee, while we're at it, let's just give them a DVD titled "Pharmaceuticals: Your One True Friend, the Anti-Depressant".
I am all for ease and convenience but something important like learning to read cannot be put through the express lane. People are just lazy these days and look for the quick fix. However, there's just no substitute for spending quality time with your children. Asking them questions, turning an ordinary situation into a learning lesson, asking how they feel. No, not every waking moment has to be spent learning. You'll burn yourself and the child out. But there's no excuse for ignoring a young learning mind, especially when it's your own child.
What is next? A DVD program that shows kids how to bathe? How to put themselves to bed? Maybe later in life there will be a Netflix online rental the previously ignored children can acquire to teach them how to put their lousy parents into a shitty abusive nursing home.
It's easy!
Angry.
Shyness is something that I've always had to deal with my entire life. It has decreased in intensity as I've aged but it's not been easy. I work at it and struggle every day. I've seen other people have the same problems. Wanting to reach out and let them know they're not alone, I can't even brave that common ground to be the first to say something. I feared the rejection and humiliation.
Making friends seems to come so easily to some people. For me, it was always an obstacle and I lack the courage to extend myself beyond my comfort zone. My immediate thought is that people are only entertaining me as their so-called friend for shits and giggles. I figure the joke is on me.
So, the internet has proved to be a great place for introverted people like myself for meeting people and potentially making friends. I did so with the chat room and also in Second Life. I am not very technologically capable, mind you. But I am able to make a somewhat coherent sentence and get a thought across... sometimes. So when I see someone struggling in SL, I try to help out when I can. Not because I think I am so much better than they are, but because I, too, was in their situation and I also enjoy helping others. If I happen to make a friend out of the situation, that's just a bonus.
I had signed up to be a mentor in SL. No, I cannot build, script, animate, create textures in Photoshop or anything like that. But, I am friendly and helpful and I enjoy listening. I am also very patient and I knew some basics to SL (wearing clothes, detaching objects, how to teleport, etc). However, it was about the time my mother passed away that I found out I had been accepted into the mentorship program and I had to attend training sessions. Unfortunately, I was not in the mindset to do such a thing. So, I rescinded the mentor offer and thanked them for their time.
For some reason, I am reminded a bit of when I was in the 6th grade and a new girl was in our school. She was in my English class and Susan was her name. She had a very different look. She had extremely bulging eyes, her nose was pushed in and she had a very small mouth. I was never sure if she had Down's Syndrome or another type of issue. But she was very quiet and kept to herself. I realized about a week or so into the school year that the harassment I usually felt was less so. I wondered what was up until I saw the same bullies picking on Susan in the hallway. I was overcome with emotions that I had never felt before. I was enraged! Before I could stop myself, I stomped over and yelled at them to leave her alone. She had dropped one of her books in the fracas and I helped her pick up the book as the rude boys left her alone. She thanked me and then turned to walk off quickly.
I saw her the next day in my English class. She smiled at me and I smiled back. It was the first time anyone had smiled at me in school, other than the two friends I already had since the 4th grade (when I moved to the area). I knew then that I had to try to be her friend because I never saw her talking to anyone else. If she didn't like me, well, at least I had tried.
Susan had a different lunch period than I did so I was only able to talk to her inbetween classes. We never really said much, only commenting on classwork, school activities and the like. She never brought up other topics and I wasn't sure if I should. Although I look back now and wish I had asked her what music she liked, what kind of movies did she watch, etc. She was well dressed and had clothes that were obviously purchased at a nicer store like JC Penney or even Dillard's. I admit I felt a little intimidated by this because I always felt 10+ rungs lower on the ladder in my KMart attire. Maybe this is why I shied away from getting to know her better.
Near the end of the school year, Susan stopped coming to school. I never knew the reason why. I didn't know if she had moved or became ill. The teacher said Susan wouldn't be attending class at our school any longer. I felt a pang because I wished I'd asked her for a phone number. We certainly didn't have email or instant messaging in 1986.
I've made a few friends since then and had several acquaintances. I've always tried to do the right thing by my friends. I can be fiercely loyal because I appreciate their kindness towards me. However, I've also learned, especially in recent years, that while making a new friend is a wonderful and exciting experience, losing a friend is extremely upsetting. Even more so when there's no explanation, no reasoning, no words for why they chose to reject you.
I get angry with myself, I suppose, for caring so much about people. Even in SL and in the chat room I frequented for years, I worried about people that I came to know over time, even though we've never met. Sometimes they annoy or anger me with their shenanigans. Sometimes I am downright pissed and wonder if they're worth my time and effort. But we're all human and we all make mistakes. I just have to know where to push people off the doormat that is me. How can I be so blase about someone like Susan who really needed a friend and someone to talk to but give all of my time and energy and extreme effort to someone who dropped me like a hot potato simply because they couldn't deal with...whatever momentary insanity they had created inside their own head... twice? I guess the joke really was on me.
So, I really feel like I've taken a huge step backward in my attempts at being more outgoing and engaging. How can I trust people anymore? As much as I put out there about my real life self, I still hold back a great deal. I even hold things back from myself. I don't want to face the complete and total realizations of my life the majority of the time. I stay hidden in the fantasy world of SL and my imagination than to sort out the harsh sadness that I run from daily.
I guess that's what really pisses me off. Why do I have to be left with the burden of the final remnants of this friendship? How come I can't shrug it off so easily? I really need to take it and bury it for once and for all. Cover it with dirt and wave goodbye. It is time to move on and has been for a while.
So.. one of my main goals for this year is to be brave. It sounds dumb and very simple but it really means a lot. Especially for someone like me. I am too scared to do much of anything. I don't want to anger people because they seem to leave my life so easily. I don't want to push them away. However, I've learned that if I piss someone off unintentionally and they stop being friends with me, well, I guess they weren't much of a friend anyway. Then, in essence, they were weeded out and I won't have to waste time on them, which will allow more time to be spent on those who really deserve it.
I am so tired of life being difficult. I just wish things were easy-peasy and then we could all just get along and have a good laugh. :)
Making friends seems to come so easily to some people. For me, it was always an obstacle and I lack the courage to extend myself beyond my comfort zone. My immediate thought is that people are only entertaining me as their so-called friend for shits and giggles. I figure the joke is on me.
So, the internet has proved to be a great place for introverted people like myself for meeting people and potentially making friends. I did so with the chat room and also in Second Life. I am not very technologically capable, mind you. But I am able to make a somewhat coherent sentence and get a thought across... sometimes. So when I see someone struggling in SL, I try to help out when I can. Not because I think I am so much better than they are, but because I, too, was in their situation and I also enjoy helping others. If I happen to make a friend out of the situation, that's just a bonus.
I had signed up to be a mentor in SL. No, I cannot build, script, animate, create textures in Photoshop or anything like that. But, I am friendly and helpful and I enjoy listening. I am also very patient and I knew some basics to SL (wearing clothes, detaching objects, how to teleport, etc). However, it was about the time my mother passed away that I found out I had been accepted into the mentorship program and I had to attend training sessions. Unfortunately, I was not in the mindset to do such a thing. So, I rescinded the mentor offer and thanked them for their time.
For some reason, I am reminded a bit of when I was in the 6th grade and a new girl was in our school. She was in my English class and Susan was her name. She had a very different look. She had extremely bulging eyes, her nose was pushed in and she had a very small mouth. I was never sure if she had Down's Syndrome or another type of issue. But she was very quiet and kept to herself. I realized about a week or so into the school year that the harassment I usually felt was less so. I wondered what was up until I saw the same bullies picking on Susan in the hallway. I was overcome with emotions that I had never felt before. I was enraged! Before I could stop myself, I stomped over and yelled at them to leave her alone. She had dropped one of her books in the fracas and I helped her pick up the book as the rude boys left her alone. She thanked me and then turned to walk off quickly.
I saw her the next day in my English class. She smiled at me and I smiled back. It was the first time anyone had smiled at me in school, other than the two friends I already had since the 4th grade (when I moved to the area). I knew then that I had to try to be her friend because I never saw her talking to anyone else. If she didn't like me, well, at least I had tried.
Susan had a different lunch period than I did so I was only able to talk to her inbetween classes. We never really said much, only commenting on classwork, school activities and the like. She never brought up other topics and I wasn't sure if I should. Although I look back now and wish I had asked her what music she liked, what kind of movies did she watch, etc. She was well dressed and had clothes that were obviously purchased at a nicer store like JC Penney or even Dillard's. I admit I felt a little intimidated by this because I always felt 10+ rungs lower on the ladder in my KMart attire. Maybe this is why I shied away from getting to know her better.
Near the end of the school year, Susan stopped coming to school. I never knew the reason why. I didn't know if she had moved or became ill. The teacher said Susan wouldn't be attending class at our school any longer. I felt a pang because I wished I'd asked her for a phone number. We certainly didn't have email or instant messaging in 1986.
I've made a few friends since then and had several acquaintances. I've always tried to do the right thing by my friends. I can be fiercely loyal because I appreciate their kindness towards me. However, I've also learned, especially in recent years, that while making a new friend is a wonderful and exciting experience, losing a friend is extremely upsetting. Even more so when there's no explanation, no reasoning, no words for why they chose to reject you.
I get angry with myself, I suppose, for caring so much about people. Even in SL and in the chat room I frequented for years, I worried about people that I came to know over time, even though we've never met. Sometimes they annoy or anger me with their shenanigans. Sometimes I am downright pissed and wonder if they're worth my time and effort. But we're all human and we all make mistakes. I just have to know where to push people off the doormat that is me. How can I be so blase about someone like Susan who really needed a friend and someone to talk to but give all of my time and energy and extreme effort to someone who dropped me like a hot potato simply because they couldn't deal with...whatever momentary insanity they had created inside their own head... twice? I guess the joke really was on me.
So, I really feel like I've taken a huge step backward in my attempts at being more outgoing and engaging. How can I trust people anymore? As much as I put out there about my real life self, I still hold back a great deal. I even hold things back from myself. I don't want to face the complete and total realizations of my life the majority of the time. I stay hidden in the fantasy world of SL and my imagination than to sort out the harsh sadness that I run from daily.
I guess that's what really pisses me off. Why do I have to be left with the burden of the final remnants of this friendship? How come I can't shrug it off so easily? I really need to take it and bury it for once and for all. Cover it with dirt and wave goodbye. It is time to move on and has been for a while.
So.. one of my main goals for this year is to be brave. It sounds dumb and very simple but it really means a lot. Especially for someone like me. I am too scared to do much of anything. I don't want to anger people because they seem to leave my life so easily. I don't want to push them away. However, I've learned that if I piss someone off unintentionally and they stop being friends with me, well, I guess they weren't much of a friend anyway. Then, in essence, they were weeded out and I won't have to waste time on them, which will allow more time to be spent on those who really deserve it.
I am so tired of life being difficult. I just wish things were easy-peasy and then we could all just get along and have a good laugh. :)
Friday, January 22, 2010
Stupidity.
So at my job I am responsible for the verification and inputting of new applications for life insurance. I also am responsible for assembling the printed policies/certificates for issuing and mailing to the insureds. Well, we sell our product to almost all 50 states and we have to abide by their specific state rules and regulations. On Friday, my supervisor informed us that Washington state now has, like Oregon, a "same sex domestic partner" law in effect which means we are required to allow same sex partners to be covered for our insurance products.
I remember last year when the Oregon information came in. Because it created a little bit of extra work (we were required to notify the existing insureds of the change in the law so they could add their domestic partner to their coverage, if they wished), we had to have meetings about how to approach and execute the mailings and notifications. During this process, it was discussed, as a sidenote of course, the societal meanings of this change. My main boss admitted that she didn't know why the higher ups couldn't just allow any partner and/or spouse, regardless of gender, to be included in the coverage. We'd collect that much more in premium. But it was the stigma of the thing, of course.
So, on Friday, my immediate supervisor hands my co-worker and myself an office memo explaining the Washington change. As I read on, I realized there was a catch to this situation and I was rather displeased. The memo stated that should an application or change form be received with a domestic partner listed and they are of the same sex, we will require a copy of the official form they received stating they are in a legal domestic partnership. Well, I had to ask why this was necessary. I received no answer at all.
"You do realize that this is still not moving forward in the same sex marriage movement, right? I mean, when we receive an application and it has John Smith and Jane Brown but the application is marked 'Married', we do not question the difference in names. Only if they wrote 'common-law spouse' do we require something showing they file their taxes jointly. So, why are we still making same sex partners jump through hoops to get coverage they're already legally allowed to have?" "...*shoulder shrug*..."
It was not my intent to go off on my obviously indifferent supervisor. But geez louise. Why is being socially responsible and taking care of the person you are in love with and care for an issue of paperwork? If the so-called sanctity of marriage can begin in a chapel in Las Vegas with an Elvis impersonator holding a bacon sandwich then what's wrong with two men or two women expressing their love, too? Why should heterosexual couples be the only ones to face the nasty road of an ugly divorce and child custody arguments? Yes, marriage is so holy and sacred. Let's keep others away from it.
I still personally stand by the idea that marriage licenses should be renewed on an annual basis, much like a driver's license. Each year on your wedding anniversary, you and your betrothed take a little trip to an office where you are split into one of two lines: staying married or seeking divorce. In the staying married line, you simply state that you're both happy and you get a little sticker to place on your license, kind of like getting a hole punched into a card for a free ice cream.
But for the divorce line, you step up to the little glass booth where a grumpy middle aged woman asks why you want to divorce, scrawling your answer on a carbon copy form and never looking at you. "She rides my ass about picking up my clothes and she won't have sex." "He smells like bad eggs and he pinched his secretary's ass at the office Christmas party." The office lady grunts as she stamps the marriage license "DIVORCED", you pay $35.00 and you're done. You go home, pack your shit into a U-Haul and you live out of a crummy motel room for 6 months.
I mean, sheesh! If those nasty and scummy gay people are allowed to get married, then heck, why are we allowing those colored people to be married, too? Why make it an issue of gender.. let's get race into it, too! And AND why are Jewish people allowed to take the trip down the aisle? I mean, what's up with THAT? We need to get down to fundamental basics here, people. Only a white Christian man and a white Christian woman should take God's word to heart and follow the Bible. For it is His word.
*rolls her eyes*
Seriously, the shit done in the name of the Lord astounds me. I have a cousin who is married and her husband happens to be black. They have two children. The family is divided over this "situation". My uncle, the asshole, has the loudest voice in the matter. He won't speak to my cousin, his niece. He won't even look at the children. It's pathetic. But he complains the most about it. Also, he is a deacon in his church. He spends his every waking minute praising the Lord and spreading his Good Word. Like a disease.
But, to be honest, some of the family members who support my cousin in her "choice to marry a black man" (As if on the day she decided to fall in love she was standing at the menu board at McDonald's choosing between a Big Mac or a Quarter Pounder. "Does it come with fries?" "No, it comes with a black man with a big ol' dick." "I'll take two!") piss me off, too. When the subject of my cousin and her husband come up around them, they always say things like "well, he *is* a hard worker", "the children are so well behaved", "he doesn't act black!" ... what?
Who cares? What if he was beating my cousin behind closed doors? What if he was a lazy, shiftless piece of shit asshole who molested his kids? Oh, then it would be because he happened to be black? No. The majority of the women in my family have been either hit, assaulted, cheated on or murdered by white men. No one ever said "oh, it's because he's white." No, it was because he was a sack of shit. Why can't someone be responsible for their actions based on their morality, sense of responsibility and behavior? White is not always right.
So, back to my cousin, what if her kids were complete brats? What if her husband had no job whatsoever? Would the family sit idly by? If he were white and they asked for financial help from the family, I know they'd all pitch in money. However, because he happens to be black, if they asked to borrow money, I guarantee you the answer would be no. Probably followed up with a lecture. They are only tolerant of the color he happens to be because he's not done anything for them to pass judgment on and I think that's ridiculous. They should accept him, not for being some rare oddity of a "good natured" black guy, but for being a good person period, color be damned. Because, truthfully, all assholes are pink.
My children spent the better part of the last two years with their dad and his mother and her husband, his step-dad. The mother-in-law and her husband are major supporters of religion. They are upset with me for not attending church. They are angry with me because I am on the fence about God. Well, gee, excuse me for not being sure about something I can't see or touch. I see people here on this earth and I can feel their love, their happiness, their anger, their sadness. That is real to me. Telling me to act right and to behave in the eyes of God, or else he will punish me, that isn't going to work. Why can't I make the right decisions in life based on the greater good of mankind? I'd rather treat someone with kindness because it's the right thing to do than to do it just because some omnipresent being is going to smite me if I don't.
That's like being nice to your brother and sister only because you know you'll get the belt upside your ass if you don't. So, imagine my surprise when the girls come home finally and they're chatting with each other about the weather and the clouds in the sky one evening. The 7 year old said it was like in the Bible. Now, you have to know, I do not try to sway their decisions one bit because I feel they should make their own decisions. I will lead them to the various water choices but it's up to them where they want to drink, if that makes sense.
So, she's telling us about how God made the Heavens and the clouds and that one day He will open up the skies and there will be dark clouds and he will make all the "bad people go running." I had to ask about this. "What bad people? Why are they bad?" "Oh you know, Mama. All the brown people."
"...what?"
"The brown people are bad and God will punish them." "What did the brown people do?" "I don't know." It took all I had in me to not immediately call my in-laws and give them a piece of my mind. However, I thought about it a moment and I realized that even my MIL is surely not THAT ignorant. So I asked the 7 year old, "Did your grandmother tell you this?" "No, I learned it at Sunday School at church." Nice.
So, I've been working with the girls ever since to make them understand that everyone is the same, no matter what color they are, how much money they have, if they are a boy or a girl or they like boys or girls or both. I am still fighting the race issue with my own step-dad. I am battling the homosexual and bisexual issue with the STBEH (soon to be ex husband). I don't foresee much change but I am trying. I don't want my kids growing up thinking they are better than anyone else. They are special in the sense that there is no one else like them on this planet. But they are not above anyone else they will encounter in their life.
Well, now that I have vented, I feel better.
Until next time, anyway.
I remember last year when the Oregon information came in. Because it created a little bit of extra work (we were required to notify the existing insureds of the change in the law so they could add their domestic partner to their coverage, if they wished), we had to have meetings about how to approach and execute the mailings and notifications. During this process, it was discussed, as a sidenote of course, the societal meanings of this change. My main boss admitted that she didn't know why the higher ups couldn't just allow any partner and/or spouse, regardless of gender, to be included in the coverage. We'd collect that much more in premium. But it was the stigma of the thing, of course.
So, on Friday, my immediate supervisor hands my co-worker and myself an office memo explaining the Washington change. As I read on, I realized there was a catch to this situation and I was rather displeased. The memo stated that should an application or change form be received with a domestic partner listed and they are of the same sex, we will require a copy of the official form they received stating they are in a legal domestic partnership. Well, I had to ask why this was necessary. I received no answer at all.
"You do realize that this is still not moving forward in the same sex marriage movement, right? I mean, when we receive an application and it has John Smith and Jane Brown but the application is marked 'Married', we do not question the difference in names. Only if they wrote 'common-law spouse' do we require something showing they file their taxes jointly. So, why are we still making same sex partners jump through hoops to get coverage they're already legally allowed to have?" "...*shoulder shrug*..."
It was not my intent to go off on my obviously indifferent supervisor. But geez louise. Why is being socially responsible and taking care of the person you are in love with and care for an issue of paperwork? If the so-called sanctity of marriage can begin in a chapel in Las Vegas with an Elvis impersonator holding a bacon sandwich then what's wrong with two men or two women expressing their love, too? Why should heterosexual couples be the only ones to face the nasty road of an ugly divorce and child custody arguments? Yes, marriage is so holy and sacred. Let's keep others away from it.
I still personally stand by the idea that marriage licenses should be renewed on an annual basis, much like a driver's license. Each year on your wedding anniversary, you and your betrothed take a little trip to an office where you are split into one of two lines: staying married or seeking divorce. In the staying married line, you simply state that you're both happy and you get a little sticker to place on your license, kind of like getting a hole punched into a card for a free ice cream.
But for the divorce line, you step up to the little glass booth where a grumpy middle aged woman asks why you want to divorce, scrawling your answer on a carbon copy form and never looking at you. "She rides my ass about picking up my clothes and she won't have sex." "He smells like bad eggs and he pinched his secretary's ass at the office Christmas party." The office lady grunts as she stamps the marriage license "DIVORCED", you pay $35.00 and you're done. You go home, pack your shit into a U-Haul and you live out of a crummy motel room for 6 months.
I mean, sheesh! If those nasty and scummy gay people are allowed to get married, then heck, why are we allowing those colored people to be married, too? Why make it an issue of gender.. let's get race into it, too! And AND why are Jewish people allowed to take the trip down the aisle? I mean, what's up with THAT? We need to get down to fundamental basics here, people. Only a white Christian man and a white Christian woman should take God's word to heart and follow the Bible. For it is His word.
*rolls her eyes*
Seriously, the shit done in the name of the Lord astounds me. I have a cousin who is married and her husband happens to be black. They have two children. The family is divided over this "situation". My uncle, the asshole, has the loudest voice in the matter. He won't speak to my cousin, his niece. He won't even look at the children. It's pathetic. But he complains the most about it. Also, he is a deacon in his church. He spends his every waking minute praising the Lord and spreading his Good Word. Like a disease.
But, to be honest, some of the family members who support my cousin in her "choice to marry a black man" (As if on the day she decided to fall in love she was standing at the menu board at McDonald's choosing between a Big Mac or a Quarter Pounder. "Does it come with fries?" "No, it comes with a black man with a big ol' dick." "I'll take two!") piss me off, too. When the subject of my cousin and her husband come up around them, they always say things like "well, he *is* a hard worker", "the children are so well behaved", "he doesn't act black!" ... what?
Who cares? What if he was beating my cousin behind closed doors? What if he was a lazy, shiftless piece of shit asshole who molested his kids? Oh, then it would be because he happened to be black? No. The majority of the women in my family have been either hit, assaulted, cheated on or murdered by white men. No one ever said "oh, it's because he's white." No, it was because he was a sack of shit. Why can't someone be responsible for their actions based on their morality, sense of responsibility and behavior? White is not always right.
So, back to my cousin, what if her kids were complete brats? What if her husband had no job whatsoever? Would the family sit idly by? If he were white and they asked for financial help from the family, I know they'd all pitch in money. However, because he happens to be black, if they asked to borrow money, I guarantee you the answer would be no. Probably followed up with a lecture. They are only tolerant of the color he happens to be because he's not done anything for them to pass judgment on and I think that's ridiculous. They should accept him, not for being some rare oddity of a "good natured" black guy, but for being a good person period, color be damned. Because, truthfully, all assholes are pink.
My children spent the better part of the last two years with their dad and his mother and her husband, his step-dad. The mother-in-law and her husband are major supporters of religion. They are upset with me for not attending church. They are angry with me because I am on the fence about God. Well, gee, excuse me for not being sure about something I can't see or touch. I see people here on this earth and I can feel their love, their happiness, their anger, their sadness. That is real to me. Telling me to act right and to behave in the eyes of God, or else he will punish me, that isn't going to work. Why can't I make the right decisions in life based on the greater good of mankind? I'd rather treat someone with kindness because it's the right thing to do than to do it just because some omnipresent being is going to smite me if I don't.
That's like being nice to your brother and sister only because you know you'll get the belt upside your ass if you don't. So, imagine my surprise when the girls come home finally and they're chatting with each other about the weather and the clouds in the sky one evening. The 7 year old said it was like in the Bible. Now, you have to know, I do not try to sway their decisions one bit because I feel they should make their own decisions. I will lead them to the various water choices but it's up to them where they want to drink, if that makes sense.
So, she's telling us about how God made the Heavens and the clouds and that one day He will open up the skies and there will be dark clouds and he will make all the "bad people go running." I had to ask about this. "What bad people? Why are they bad?" "Oh you know, Mama. All the brown people."
"...what?"
"The brown people are bad and God will punish them." "What did the brown people do?" "I don't know." It took all I had in me to not immediately call my in-laws and give them a piece of my mind. However, I thought about it a moment and I realized that even my MIL is surely not THAT ignorant. So I asked the 7 year old, "Did your grandmother tell you this?" "No, I learned it at Sunday School at church." Nice.
So, I've been working with the girls ever since to make them understand that everyone is the same, no matter what color they are, how much money they have, if they are a boy or a girl or they like boys or girls or both. I am still fighting the race issue with my own step-dad. I am battling the homosexual and bisexual issue with the STBEH (soon to be ex husband). I don't foresee much change but I am trying. I don't want my kids growing up thinking they are better than anyone else. They are special in the sense that there is no one else like them on this planet. But they are not above anyone else they will encounter in their life.
Well, now that I have vented, I feel better.
Until next time, anyway.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Ha!
So, apparently, at the suggestion of a friend, I should have a blog. So, without further ado..
Ta da!
To be honest, I've been meaning to get back into writing and journaling and this is one way to do it, I suppose. Not that I ever thought I was such a great writer or anything. I like words and I like thinking but sometimes the two do not merge into proper thoughts that make sense. So.. bear with me as I display my true lameness. Also, I'll display my ability to ramble about nothing, go off on tangents, bitch about nothing in particular, etc. So, onto the fun...
I am all for saving money and buying frugally. I know a lot of people who are the same way, especially in our current economy. But there are some things where you can't be too cheap or skimpy. Yesterday on our way to Louisiana to visit the in laws, I stopped in Houston to get gas. The place I chose to stop always has the cheapest gas around. The store is a huge convenience store that also has a restaurant and showering facilities. I guess you could say it's a truck stop, too. Anyway, they have all sorts of knick knacks and toys and DVD's and other assorted merchandise.
As we're standing in line to pay for the gas, the guy in front of me steps up to the counter and hands the clerk a small cloth bag and a crumpled receipt. He tells her that he wants to exchange "it" for something else. So the clerk bends down to pick up a long, thin box and lays it on the counter. I step to the side just a bit to see what is in the box... lo and behold, it's a box of rings. Like, gold rings. For your fingers.
I look at the guy's face as he is intent on picking through the various rings. I wonder what the hell is going on here. These are all women's rings and the clerk was holding a plain ring with a very small stone set onto it. The guy began mumbling to himself and my kids were getting antsy. He said to the clerk, out of nervousness I am sure, "She wasn't happy with the one I gave her so..."
Well, I guess not, motherfucker. Even I, who does not know jackshit about jewelry, would know a TRUCK STOP DIAMOND RING if I saw one. And you're trading it for another piece of fabulousness? Oh please no.
So, he finally chose his best option and even received $3 back in the difference of price. I paid for my gas and then walked out of the store imagining the situation with that guy and his ladyfriend where he gives her a crappy truck stop ring to replace the previous less crappy truck stop ring. I figured he'd end up on the receiving end of an open handed slap.
I can understand not having the money to buy the right piece of jewelry for someone. But these rings were $25. He could have went to Wal Mart or some place to get something for about the same price that at least looked decent. From what I saw, these were nothing special or distinct and the gold was so fake-looking, they were nearly glowing yellow.
Anyway, I hope it all works out well and that his bruises heal quickly. Because, really, at least he was trying to buy a gift for his special lady, which is more than I can say for some guys out there. And some women, too!
Well, I think this is good for now. I'll see how soon I can post again. :)
Ta da!
To be honest, I've been meaning to get back into writing and journaling and this is one way to do it, I suppose. Not that I ever thought I was such a great writer or anything. I like words and I like thinking but sometimes the two do not merge into proper thoughts that make sense. So.. bear with me as I display my true lameness. Also, I'll display my ability to ramble about nothing, go off on tangents, bitch about nothing in particular, etc. So, onto the fun...
I am all for saving money and buying frugally. I know a lot of people who are the same way, especially in our current economy. But there are some things where you can't be too cheap or skimpy. Yesterday on our way to Louisiana to visit the in laws, I stopped in Houston to get gas. The place I chose to stop always has the cheapest gas around. The store is a huge convenience store that also has a restaurant and showering facilities. I guess you could say it's a truck stop, too. Anyway, they have all sorts of knick knacks and toys and DVD's and other assorted merchandise.
As we're standing in line to pay for the gas, the guy in front of me steps up to the counter and hands the clerk a small cloth bag and a crumpled receipt. He tells her that he wants to exchange "it" for something else. So the clerk bends down to pick up a long, thin box and lays it on the counter. I step to the side just a bit to see what is in the box... lo and behold, it's a box of rings. Like, gold rings. For your fingers.
I look at the guy's face as he is intent on picking through the various rings. I wonder what the hell is going on here. These are all women's rings and the clerk was holding a plain ring with a very small stone set onto it. The guy began mumbling to himself and my kids were getting antsy. He said to the clerk, out of nervousness I am sure, "She wasn't happy with the one I gave her so..."
Well, I guess not, motherfucker. Even I, who does not know jackshit about jewelry, would know a TRUCK STOP DIAMOND RING if I saw one. And you're trading it for another piece of fabulousness? Oh please no.
So, he finally chose his best option and even received $3 back in the difference of price. I paid for my gas and then walked out of the store imagining the situation with that guy and his ladyfriend where he gives her a crappy truck stop ring to replace the previous less crappy truck stop ring. I figured he'd end up on the receiving end of an open handed slap.
I can understand not having the money to buy the right piece of jewelry for someone. But these rings were $25. He could have went to Wal Mart or some place to get something for about the same price that at least looked decent. From what I saw, these were nothing special or distinct and the gold was so fake-looking, they were nearly glowing yellow.
Anyway, I hope it all works out well and that his bruises heal quickly. Because, really, at least he was trying to buy a gift for his special lady, which is more than I can say for some guys out there. And some women, too!
Well, I think this is good for now. I'll see how soon I can post again. :)
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